They Don't Regret Hurting You

I’ve been reflecting lately on the idea that the people who hurt me probably don’t regret it. I probably don’t even cross their minds. It’s funny how we move through the world and our lives, shaped by those who have affected us emotionally. Whether it’s the pain inflicted by a parent growing up, a friend who abandoned you, a breakup or a person who refused to commit to you, a toxic boss, the list goes on. I spend most of my conscious hours subconsciously replaying those moments and justifying my own actions as a result of those experiences. Sometimes I hurt others to emotionally protect myself, or close myself off. No matter how positive one tries to be, we undeniably spend most of our time thinking negative thoughts.

I think of the last time I remembered a negative experience someone gave me, a time someone hurt me, gave me the cold shoulder, the last time I wished a person would apologize. It’s all quite recent. Now I try to think of the last time I thought of a person I hurt. It’s not nearly as recent. I can justify my actions to myself, as most people do. Otherwise, I wouldn’t have acted in the way I did. And even if I felt a little bad in the moment or in hindsight, self-preservation and ego make it so I find a way to justify that act in my own mind. I nod at the mental confirmation of my own intelligence and promptly go about my day. It’s funny how we spend years of our lives wallowing in hurt. Whether the other person’s action was unusually cruel, abusive, unintentional, or deserved, it doesn’t matter—the person doesn’t even care. It’s often not black and white; who’s to judge if the person who hurt me was in the right? Everyone involved is biased.

I know it’s easier said than done to move on and forgive, but sometimes these thoughts comfort me when I find myself sad, pained, or angry at the way someone treated me. Firstly, the thought that they probably don’t care or think about it. Secondly, they probably aren’t sorry, and does it matter if they are? Thirdly, they likely didn’t even mean to.

No matter, all we can do is control our own responses to other people’s actions.

March 25, 2026