Happiness Diaries: 2026

I felt immensely depressed on Tuesday. I was sleepy, but I could sense that the gloom could mostly be attributed to my job. Most days pass calmly, I tap away at my keyboard in my corner cubicle, grab coffee with my office admin who’s twice my age, eat lunch at my desk, and continue tapping away until it’s time for another commute. Then I’m home, and I try to ignore the looming cycle ahead.

It was one of the rare days where I’m hit by the crisis triggered by realizing I have decades ahead of me. It’s so painfully lonely at work sometimes, especially because I feel on guard constantly and just take orders all day. I don’t even feel human at times. When work is slow, I’m left with these thoughts that even doom-scrolling social media can’t repress. I get consumed by a fit of melancholy so strong, I feel like I could cry at my cubicle.

I ended up taking a nap before dinner. It was some quiet emptiness for a bit. I groggily woke up for dinner and retreated back to bed for some reading before doing it all over again in 8 hours. But at some points, I breathed deep and decided that a feeling is just a feeling and that the next day would be better. The rest of the week went by smoothly.

I used to be consumed by similar fits in school, when the pressure felt like too much to bear. I journaled, noting that happiness felt like a distant dream, something I never truly experienced, or might never experience. I used to analyze my emotions so deeply, seeking hints about what made me tick, to build an idea of who I was from these indicators. I can’t help but compare this recent mood to my emotional temperament when I was a teen, or even the summer full of tears a few years ago when I had my first 9–5 internship and tested the waters of full-time employment. At the time, I asked myself, is happiness even possible in these circumstances?

This time, I let it pass me by like a train, moving on with my week and not letting myself steep in it too long. Perhaps happiness is not a verbal confirmation of approval from my parents or my peers, a guy who loves me, tangible success I can flaunt, or a perfect job. Perhaps this quiet emotional regulation is the happiness I had been seeking all along.

March 3, 2026