The Nonexistent Future

Against the backdrop of rain pounding the ground outside, I added a slow stream of liquid bubble bath under scalding water that was quickly rising. I watched the bubbles climb, breathing in the sandalwood scented air. I was impatient and cold, which added to my impulse decision to rush my step into the water, instead of my usual slow careful descent. The sides of the tub were slippery and my inner shin struck the edge of the tub very hard. Fear of falling altogether stopped me from withdrawing immediately and I watched as my leg scraped against the sharp tile as if in slow motion, lengthening the pain and contact.

After the bath, I leaned over the sink, my reflection fogged in the steamy air, and Googled, “hit leg hard hurts a lot,” “how to tell fracture,” “hit shin how to tell serious.” The answers varied, my questions were ultimately left unanswered. Later, I sat on a dining chair and delicately lifted my pajama pant leg to assess the damage. I had never felt such acute pain from a “minor” home injury. As I gently brushed two fingers over the surface where there laid an angry red line and felt a bump, I was overcome by the thought that everything in this life is so goddamn fleeting. I thought to myself, it’s such a terrible time to be injured. But when is it ever a good time? I’ve never broken a bone before, and despite my chronic clumsiness, I’ve never sustained serious injuries to my bones or the like. All this from a bath. I couldn’t believe that just yesterday I had never broken or fractured a bone and today…just like that. I squeezed my eyes shut and tried to think. I could panic my parents by asking them what they thought of the injury and risk getting reprimanded, or go to the hospital. As if on cue, thunder clapped outside. I finally decided against it, not wanting to concern them or cause any issues. As I slipped into my covers that night, I was troubled by the pain I felt in my shin from the slightest contact and anxious thoughts of the nonexistent future.

The next day and the following days, the pain did not get more severe and I presumed my injury was minor. No one ever found out. I suppose most things in life end up working themselves out similarly.

Jan. 7, 2023