Hunger by Roxane Gay Review

I thought I’d give Roxane Gay’s most recently published work a shot despite previously reading and feeling ambivalent about her essay collection Bad Feminist, due to its disjointed and unfocused nature. I have never read anything about body issues, eating disorders, or anything of the sort, so I was curious what this would entail. And I am so glad I did not put this book on the backburner or hesitate to read it, it was truly well written and carried an extremely important message. It’s times like these that make me so grateful for the existence of words and writing, as a means to view and understand others’ experiences so vividly, experiences I would have never been able to sympathize with if not for authors and writers' bravery. 

Being a memoir, Hunger felt more cohesive and successful in conveying Gay's message to the world. Her pain. Her hunger. It feels as though Bad Feminist was just a prelude to the story she was keeping inside, waiting to be told, waiting for her to be ready to express it and allow others to see what lay within the constraints of her body and outside of it; Comparing the two, Bad Feminist pales in passion and feeling by a long shot. Hunger bursts, no, demands with a fierce desire to be heard, to be seen, to be understood. Isn't that what we all want? What we hunger for? 

Although plain-spoken, the words within the covers of this story that has been in the works for years were no less powerful and evocative than if it were written with lyrical prose, it was a quiet yet powerful expression of Gay’s pain and a candid glimpse into her life as a “morbidly obese” person living in America. Her story and telling of how she came to her state of utilizing food, overeating, and disordered eating as a coping mechanism to function in her own body and in this unforgiving world is extremely brutal. My heart ached for twelve year old her, and her at the time of writing this memoir, and her during every step of the way to being the woman she is today with each page I turned. 

Gay discusses in full and achingly vivid detail, the atrocities committed against her in the past and how she can never escape her past, it follows her in every bite she takes, every meal she consumes, the relationships she forms, the choices she makes in virtually every part of her life. It was not enough to go through that extremely traumatic experience she endured as a child, she must face judgment from her loved ones, strangers, herself, even today. Resigned, she states with an achingly plain tone of acceptance that no matter the amount of platitudes, self confidence, compassionate words, and various means of boosting body positivity, appearances matter. 

She explains how people who do not have the slightest idea who she is or anything about her past make split second judgements as a result of the extreme fat-shaming culture and society we exist in. Especially as a woman and person of color, it’s difficult to contend with the treatment she endures, how this world is not built to accept fat bodies, physically and mentally, and how this affects her. Chairs are too small. Armrests are constraining. Airplanes are hellish. Media shuns and demonizes bodies and fat. Clothes are not size inclusive. People are not understanding, nor kind, nor decent. Gay folds into herself, fearful of taking up too much room. She wears the same bland clothes over and over again, fearful of being seen. It is extremely painful to read and see how she punishes herself, hides herself, accepts the inhumane treatment of others, all stemming from one event from her past. It's haunting. It is difficult to read and witness. But it cannot be as difficult as living it.